Being in your 40’s is fucking hard; soul-destroying at times and my rejection of the acceptance of normality fuels massive frustration. Do I have to accept being average and being fucking normal; To just be like everyone else?? I didn’t aspire to be fucking average when I was younger. I rejected that whole notion of conformity and wanted to be my authentic and unique self, however, on reflection, I conformed to the norms with my peers.
I still harbour the want for more – this is an undefined more it’s not even illogical fantasies of being famous or hugely rich that plaque my mind. When I really consider it, the community of the rich and famous is largely a bunch of fucked up twats who feel inadequate and seek more fame and fortune to feel better. Their lives are littered with shit relationships, unhappiness and addiction. Maybe I could do it for a year of that though then get out. Reflecting on it, I think I could do it for a week as being around these fake, narcissistic twats who would annoy the fuck out of me.
Maybe it’s time to embrace where I am in life and who I am. To accept life as it is and to love it because generally it is fuckin great. My frustration is injected with rocket fuel at the thought of ‘I should be doing something better’. I have no idea what the ‘better’ is btw and when it all gets too much there’s alcohol to distract me followed by guilt and self-loathing for getting pissed once again. La la la. I imagine our creator is laughing his ass off at the how his planet has morphed into this chaotic pandemonium of overthinking twats.
The frustrations of an overthinker 