Author: Def Truth!

These are my musings about our very normal struggle with life as well as exploring the possibilities of what could be the Definite Truth in our complex world that's often taken far far too seriously. I'm a male in my 40's living in the UK.

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Questionable Observations WTF is that?

Is Country Music A Real Danger?

Country music is sneaky and fuckin manipulative.  This may sounds like an odd statement but in my experience, it’s becoming like a very subtle form of crack that slowly pulls you in and gets you addicted with a sense of defeat and developing shame.  Actually, it’s possibly more like opiate based painkillers but lets not get caught up on the accuracy on poor analogies as it detracts from the point which is my sinking addiction into this bizarre genre.

I love flicking across the music channels on my telly box and have done since we got our first shitty cable box which had a peppering of shit channels and then other channels with tunes.  Music videos are just amazing: They’re visual additions to someone’s masterpiece.  As the channel numbers grew, a country channel then appeared.  This was a bit different and very soon I would always have a good laugh with it’s very simple music beats and chords, poor shows with bad filming and incompetent hosts and substandard music videos.  Most of the videos seemed to be about someone’s lost love, dead dog or dead log that they loved.  The astounding simplicity of it was hilarious, but over the last 12 months there’s been a weird evolution.  I’m finding it soothing and comforting.  I gently rock from side to side when it’s on as if I’m a resident in a care home. 

It’s scaring the shit out of me; it represents a decline; a sense of aging and a sense of loss.  Will I no longer be blasting out 90’s house or rock music.  Will this slight comfort become stronger and stronger where I become a country fan.  I quite fancy having a cowboy hat tbf, and maybe a bit of line dancing would be fun.  But just a bit of it; I do not want to adopt this as part of my identity.

As always, my infuriating anxieties are linked to losing control and fearing becoming mediocre.  Ultimately, this fear is possibly projected feelings linked to the recognition that mediocrity exists within me.  But then again, we can’t always be extreme at all times but I reject the idea of declining into being average and being just like everyone else.  Obviously parts of my life are mundane and average but I fear being a non-entity.  As such, there’s overcompensation.  My alcohol habits both serve to allow me to escape my inner frustrations and feel like I’m not watching shit like Strictly or I’m A Celeb on weekend evenings.  But now maybe I’ll be getting pissed and practising line dancing. 

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Hmmmm??

The Pleasant Surprise

I went to see Fat Boy Slim last week and it was great.  The music was fab, although a bit soft at times and the show was strong.  We danced about and faced the usual frustrations of queuing for a beer, getting 2 pinters and wondering what the fuck we should do with them as we wanted to dance.  A great pre-show time with friends as well as post-show pissed-ness and dancing/jumping about.

My expectation was that I’d be annoyed by it being full of middle-aged suburbanite seeking to relive the youth that they never had.  The ones who claim they did it all, all the time with fake nostalgia.  Twats like these piss me off but it’s part of being human to think back with rose tinted glasses.  Even the roman’s had a latin term for it “memoria praeteritorum bonorum” which means that the past is well remembered (not realistically). 

Other examples of this is where people bang on about how things were so much better in the past; things were safe, cheaper and people were more honest and young people had respect.  It’s such bollocks and is just a projection of peoples anxiety about being uncertain in the present time where they can look back and feel secure in the certainty that the past has.  There is uncertainty in the present and future and we always feel more secure with what is certain.

Anyhoo, there was a diverse age range and fab atmosphere.  Some friends recently went to see James and that crowd ticked the mediocre suburban boxes so well to the point I’m shocked they were able to leave the house in case of missing Strictly and their half glass of red.  I imagine they had an extra late one, and streamed that shit along with a bit of I’m a Celebrity.

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WTF is that?

Being My Authentic Self Hasn’t Gone To Plan

Psychology people often spout on about the importance of being your authentic self and I whole-heartedly agree with this.  In my view, this means living my values, focusing on what is truly important, fulfilling my roles and not letting unnecessary societal and social pressures alter my behaviours (too much). 

By contrast, unsubstantiated space-cadet twats will bang on about being whatever you want to be and to manifest your dreams in some magical way.  Practise of this is often fraught with danger as when I don’t become a professional footballer, rock-star or millionaire, I may feel defeated which may dissuade me from actually pursuing realistic goals.

Anyhoo, I digress.  So, as someone who seeks to practise mindfulness, I endeavour to be my more my authentic self to not get caught up anger, envy and resentment.  With this in mind, I listened and sought to engage with a couple of meditations related to this.  They were lovely to experience (as meditations are) but today, I’ve noticed some weird shit happening. 

I’m feeling a bit anxious and insecure.  I seem to have become some fuzzy hare-brain and then it occurred to me in a rare and maybe the only moment of clarity today, that I’ve regressed to an authentic status of when I was a fucking teenager!  This can’t be good.  Maybe I was a bit purer then; free from the pressures of being in a provider and parent role.  But I was undefined and that contributed to my anxiety where I overthought and generally believed myself to be unpopular.  I’m now worried that I’ll get spots and think that all the pretty girls think I’m a twat. 

However, there could be a plus side. I may experience alcohol like I did for the first time and maybe get to find some retro-rave and experience drugs again for the first time.  I’m a bit concerned to sleep in case I sleep walk and wake up in my old school especially as it’s 40 miles away. 

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WTF is that?

Why do I Behave Like A Twat When I Want To Impress!!

We like to be impressive to others as it gives us elevated status and validation and often makes us feel better about ourselves – It’s part of being human but it’s not the nicest part is it? 

You may notice the use of the word ‘we’.  I like using this collective term as I can console myself that my fucked up ways are shared probably with others.  Even if those others are just psychopathic narcissistic fuckwits, it releases some feelings of uncertainty and increases a sense of self-assuredness.

Anyhow, whenever I try to be impressive to others, for some reason, I end up behaving like a complete twat and create the very opposite of my intention which makes me want to be even more impressive to compensate for the twattiness. 

From having a big telly to an aspired working role to financial status, impressing others is a part of everyday life and it can become a spirit crushing prison.  Beneath being impressive is the need for validation from others and we’ll never be free until we shed that need.  This can be extreme for some where the opinion of others is central to their esteem which creates a very fragile personality base.  We can then lean towards being what we think others would approve of or be impressed with rather than having the strength to be our authentic selves. 

We can sit back and see the irony in the dumbfuck sides of ourselves but only after we’ve stopped crying about our follies.  The common occasions when this happens is when I’m with some I want to impress and often this is a person in authority in some way or someone attractive.  I seek their approval because it could be good for my career or job status or my social status, often in some obscure or irrelevant way.  Typically knowing the bouncers or manager of nightclubs or knowing the most attractive people in a place is good for our social status.  Having good approval from the people in power in work-places is good for our career and subsequent livelihoods. 

All these status needs have a deep-rooted basis in us seeking to survive and to survive well.  We can therefore console ourselves that it’s linked to being naturally human and that we not the headless insecure fuckwits that we may think we are sometimes. 

So why do I (or we as I hope it’s not just me) behave stupidly when trying to impress others.  In my research of this, I found 4 key elements –

1 – We stop being our authentic selves.  In trying to impress others, we alter ourselves to be, say and do what we think would impress them.  This is unnatural which leads to ….

2 – We become too self-conscious of what we’re saying and our behaviours which creates anxiety and stops us being our normal selves.  This means we cannot access the normal creative parts of us and at best, we present ourselves as a formal suppressed version of our personality.  This means we talk and behave like a complete twat which adds to our inner shame-bank fuelling the need for approval from other similar fuckwits to feel that we might just be acceptable

3 – We give away our power.  In seeking to impress, we won’t uphold the normal boundaries and it shows in our speech patterns and tones and in our body language.  As we become aware of this, it adds to the pressure and we give away more and more of ourselves.

4 – The other person picks up on this (unconsciously) and lets us continue to be nervously unimpressive.  Unfortunately, given the opportunity, most people will take power when they can so are likely to just remain silent as we chase our tails to regain control.  The power dynamic shifts where we end up filling in all the gaps with bullshit chat and end up feeling even worse.

These 4 elements all merge together in one shit-fest vicious cycle which could make us believe that the universe really has a problem with us doing well or even existing.

I think it’s fortunate that the older I get, the less I feel the need to impress others but the situation still menacingly arises.  In recognition of this, I would like to not allow the internal pressure that’s created by a sense of inferiority to create the shit-fest cycle. 

I would like to step into my adult rational self and to be my authentic self.  I’m so much better when I’m calmly confident me; I live my values better so give more to relationships in all kinds of ways and in doing this it aids my sense of self-acceptance.  ‘Just be yourself’ is such common advice with genuine wisdom, but what if you think you’re a useless sociopathic offensive twat?  At least by being yourself you’ll be respected whereas bending ourselves to people please commands very little respect.

There is also a paradox to impressing others.  The more we seek to impress, the less impressive we are.  The less we impress others, the more likely we are to impress.  Taking that to an extremity, people who behave like they don’t give a shit or are mean to others, often have people chasing after them or pleasing them.  The ‘treat them mean, keep them keen’ horrific phrase rings true as does the injustice that complaining twats get better service.  I shall not descend to low places if for no other reason than to protect my delicate sense of esteem that would be wobbled if I behaved outside of my values too much.

Anyhoo, if you’ve reached this point and haven’t skipped, present yourself with a minor medal for getting through my meandering warblings.  Go easy and live with love and kindness. 

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WTF is that?

This Shit Didn’t Happen In My 30’s

In a daring attempt to take crazy risks in my crazy suburban life, I decided to try not just 1, but fucking 2 new shower gel flavours. I was being one crazy hoop-a-loop that day. But to my dismay, they’re a bit shit. Not terrible, but I’ve had better which has exploded into a stressful ball of shit

Now, because I can’t waste this, every shower is filled with a sense of defeat and sorrow – it’s fuckin awful. I’m aware that this is a 1st world problem, but I’d probably feel the same state of sorrow and despair if the only water source was a well and it dried up.

Anyhoo, it’s easy to state that I should just chuck it and in my 30’s I would have done in a flash. But now, in my 40’s, I just can’t do this. Why is that. I was far more wasteful and carefree before. Now that I’ve got more money I can’t do this as I’d dwell on the waste and that would be upsetting.

So is that better than ongoing crap showers; is the cost to my wellbeing worth the cost of new shower gel. Maybe the crap showers will help build resilience in the sense that challenges make us stronger. I’d go to a therapist to discuss this but that costs much more than the shower gel so it’d just make matters worse.

It’s a fucked up suburban situation and this is just one of them. Another, is that the cleaner who comes every 2 weeks, also does my wife’s nails and I appreciate this utter great ability we have to have these fabulous luxuries in our lives. However, when Sam comes to do nails, I feel a need to ensure that the house is very clean so that she doesn’t get offended that I’ve not maintained her hard work. I’d feel I was insulting her profession to just let the cleanliness go. to help with this, I have booked a cleaner to come before Sam comes to do my wife’s nails next and that’s helped lots.

I really don’t know how I survive sometimes though. I’m taking the car to the mechanic today and he gets properly offended if I haven’t looked after the car very well. So much so, that I’ve got a mobile mechanic on it right now to make sure it’s tip-top. I’m so close to packing a ruck-sack and fucking off to Mongolia to farm yaks.

I hope you life is freer from such torturous and ridiculous stresses.

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Questionable Observations

The truth is an illusion – it’s actually not real!

Being human is wonderfully bizarre; full of contradiction and confusion.

The truth is subjective; it’s personal to you.  It’s an illusion and is only loosely based on your reality.  Actual reality is the confusing complex combobulation of centuries of uncoordinated activities hashing together in the chaos of the world. It’s far beyond our comprehension so to make sense of it, we create our own simplistic version of it which we call the truth. 

In seeking sense and order maybe we can find meaning and purpose?  This is an arduous endeavour into confusion and turmoil to try and make sense of our contradictory and infinitely disarrayed world.  So we stick with conformity and simple pleasures; and why not, our minds probably aren’t capable of conceptualising what’s actually going on. 

Why do we have to know what the actual truth is?  Why can’t we accept that we’ll never know?  Can we only be at peace once when we can believe our version of the truth, therefore giving ourselves meaning in this meaningless world.  Marx stated that the truth can only be real if it is tested and proved in practise.  That all sounds great but one person’s interpretation of the results will differ from another so which is the truth?

As human’s we’re annoyingly curious and people labelled as conspiracy theorists tend to be avidly curious.  We seek the truth – we want to know what’s really going on! 

Or at least we think we do.  We succumb to the dumbing down of conforming to lead an easier life so we create our own truth.  The truth isn’t factual about what’s actually going on.  The truth is just congruent with our experiences and fits with our interpretation of the information we’re fed.  This interpretation will always be flawed which creates even further deviation away from what’s real especially when the information we’re fed is exaggerated and manipulated to fit someone’s belief or ideal.  This belief or ideal could be a journalist, dictator, government or whoever is seeking to sell it. 

Once we create our truth, we then find ways to reinforce this.  We don’t like our belief to be questioned as it messes with our fragile minds so we aggressively defend them, sometimes to the death.  How our forefathers will see us a bunch of primitive twats who went to war to kill each other because some of us think our make-believe God is better than others’. 

So no wonder we’re all confused wondering what the fuck is going on.  To help us make sense and for us to live as a mass of beings, society creates conformity to swoop in like a crazy narcissistic super-hero to brainwash us into the bliss of believable ignorance.  And we all love a bit of bliss!  With ignorance, we can live our lives simply – work, buy, consume and die whilst spawning to replace ourselves in the hope that they’ll be able to a better job.  Whether we’re controlled by bots, reptiles or the world is just part of an intergalactic game we may never know. So we have our conformity and our creation our version of truth as it allows us to make some sense.

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Questionable Observations

A New Blog – The Definite Truth

There’s a fab new blog called – Definite Truth. Please read and like and follow (if you like it) – The Definite Truth

It looks at the absurd side of being wonderfully human and look to challenge convention and conformity.  They claim that everything written  could be true.

Big Love from Me x

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Questionable Observations

Hail the FarSide

My desire for alternative thinking, love of psychology, deep intrigue into the human condition and my love of humour draws me to the Far Side.

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Hmmmm?? Questionable Observations

Are All Posh People Twats?

Firstly, if you’re posh or feel that you may not be able to bear anti-posh literature then please stop reading.  My intention is never to offend btw, but as a human in this vast world trying to navigate my life to feel safe and happy whilst fulfilling my roles, they’ll be times when I piss people off and I’d rather it not be You today.

I know, if you’re anything like me, the concept that we might piss others off is a bit of shock.  Surely, it can’t be true because I’m perfect and everyone must like and approve of me.  I try to be a good person and my ridiculous insecurities push me try to avidly impress and please others so how could I possibly piss off others.  Evidently, quite easily at times.

So, are all posh people twats?  And by twats, I mean the stereotypical dim-witted arrogant overly privileged, overly-entitled floppy haired, monacle wearing buffoon, typified by Boris Johnson.

I came across this article which is definitely worth the read (after you’ve read my article first  you fabulous human – don’t leave me for another blog as you may discover that everyone is better and then you’ll never return and this could make me sad.  Stay until the end, honey).  Here’s the link for later – What Oxford Taught Me About Posh People

This article made me think about what I learnt about posh people when I came into contact with a bunch of them and I know you’ve probably just skim read it but don’t feel guilty, I forgive you.  I’m from a working-class background when class was a thing (probably last century) and uphold many of the values around this whether this be healthy or a conditioned reaction to doing what’s been ingrained in me and is familiar.  Things like having a low sense of entitlement; everything I have and want should be worked for rather than given or provided.  Also, we’re all equal as humans and giving and sharing is essential for well-being whether that be love, time, resources or energy. 

I’m not saying that every upper class or middle-class person wouldn’t uphold these values but in my life experience, the upper class have a tendency to be ridiculously naïve from their protected and privileged environment and the middle class tend to be overly self-protective twats who cover their insecurities by flaunting their assets and being very tight with their time and energies.  Obviously, there’s the potential that these observations are likely to be fed by my own insecurities and needs for acceptant so I re-affirm that I’m good being me with working class being part of me) and it I can prove I’m ok being me by labelling everyone else as a twat in some way.  If I’m not like those twats then I’m good.  Hurrahh.

So, to the posh and how they’re all twats although now I’ve ranted, the point seems a bit diluted really, but I shall seek to express it nonetheless.  So, it was about 2006 ish and I went with friends to Gay Pride in London and from some good fortune I had an access all areas wrist band which we used to gain entry to some bars and parties that would’ve been off limits otherwise.  These areas were reserved for the sponsors of the event, but it seemed evident, that the sponsors weren’t bothered and they sent their kids who were in their early to mid-20’s and generally posh.  They all seemed to be familiar with each other or maybe herded towards one another upon hearing the posh accent and seeing the sea of red trousers. 

Generally, they were a really good crowd to be around as they seemed fun and free and only a few seemed to distance themselves when they heard me speak.  What I quickly gathered though that most seem to uphold this belief that they’d be rich and would be successful in life, even though many seemed to be more naïve than the average distribution of the population[1] and naturally there were others that were the stereotypical Tim Nice But Dim.  This observation reinforced how their expectation is based on the conditioning of their lives and that’s generally true not matter who you are.  Their privilege may have got them into the best schools and provided an elite social world of posh opportunities.  This intrigued me and pissed me off due to the unfairness of this in that their destiny will be largely influenced by the family they were born into.  But then, like everyone, we live to our expectations and norms.  I guess it’s then our job to take that conditioning and do something great with it rather than allowing ourselves to be pushed down the expected avenues and be consumed by it all without really making an active decision: That unconsidered auto-pilot life where the same old generational patterns are blindly repeated.

On reflection of writing this, my resentment of people more privileged than I may be a little problematic. It certainly was when I was in early 20’s and attended the Henley Regatta, but that’s a post for another time.

[1] This is my mere observation that has no referenced research and by now you’re probably aware of my conditioned prejudices from my background.

Categories
Hmmmm?? Questionable Observations

Mediocrity is Just a Wanky Reaction to Society’s Need for us to Conform

Mediocrity enrages me especially when I see it in myself and in my own life.  The way society encourages and manipulates us to conform means that most people just give up and live on some shit autopilot planet of doing the 2.4 kids, 9-5 meaningless shit work and feel a bit wild by having half a glass of pinot while listening to Coldplay.

It’s such a soft and submissive response to allow your life to be dictated to where you go through the day without purpose until you die, just to leave your offspring to do the same.  Does society need these ant-like characters to exist to keep it going. I guess it does in society’s present form but then it’s that self-feeding system where nothing changes.  Society runs well because people conform but then many lose their identity as they’re swallowed up and rewarded for being just like everyone else.  The most obvious rewards from peer and societal approval and a monthly salary that is just enough to fulfil your needs but not enough to feel secure enough to break free from the rat race.  But that doesn’t really matter, as you’re so conditioned to accept your place in society, that even if you could afford to not work, you wouldn’t have fucking clue what else to do.  Obviously the conspiracy theorist twats will see this all the government’s doing where they control us to fund their lifestyles but at least they have the bollocks to question what’s going on and they don’t automatically accept the spoon of mediocrity so readily.

Like most of our annoyances, they’re born out of our own relationship with them and fear of them.  So I fear being a mediocre twat and it concerns me when I see evidence of this in myself and there’s a lot of fucking evidence tbf.  I live in a suburban semi, have kids, a wife, pets and spend too much time on social media or watching shit on telly because I’m too tired from working to provide the mediocre life to do anything else on most evenings.  Pre-adult mediocrity, I went out more, explored more and felt less of a need for routine and structure to keep me grounded.  Now I’m emotionally attached to these things and feel out of control should something slip or alter.  I’ve unwittingly become a victim of conditioning.

So to be more free means engaging in my identity more?  Being expressive and creative. I shall write ‘I love Coldplay’ in large letters in the road in my own shit as a first step and see how this feels.  I may have to save my bodily waste product for few days which may not be pleasant and if this becomes my signature art style it’s possible that I’ll lose the said wife and suburban comfort. Maybe that’s the test I need: To lose it to see if I’d miss the world I’ve been conditioned to create.

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