Psychology people often spout on about the importance of being your authentic self and I whole-heartedly agree with this. In my view, this means living my values, focusing on what is truly important, fulfilling my roles and not letting unnecessary societal and social pressures alter my behaviours (too much).
By contrast, unsubstantiated space-cadet twats will bang on about being whatever you want to be and to manifest your dreams in some magical way. Practise of this is often fraught with danger as when I don’t become a professional footballer, rock-star or millionaire, I may feel defeated which may dissuade me from actually pursuing realistic goals.
Anyhoo, I digress. So, as someone who seeks to practise mindfulness, I endeavour to be my more my authentic self to not get caught up anger, envy and resentment. With this in mind, I listened and sought to engage with a couple of meditations related to this. They were lovely to experience (as meditations are) but today, I’ve noticed some weird shit happening.
I’m feeling a bit anxious and insecure. I seem to have become some fuzzy hare-brain and then it occurred to me in a rare and maybe the only moment of clarity today, that I’ve regressed to an authentic status of when I was a fucking teenager! This can’t be good. Maybe I was a bit purer then; free from the pressures of being in a provider and parent role. But I was undefined and that contributed to my anxiety where I overthought and generally believed myself to be unpopular. I’m now worried that I’ll get spots and think that all the pretty girls think I’m a twat.
However, there could be a plus side. I may experience alcohol like I did for the first time and maybe get to find some retro-rave and experience drugs again for the first time. I’m a bit concerned to sleep in case I sleep walk and wake up in my old school especially as it’s 40 miles away.
The frustrations of an overthinker 