Why do lots of people my age where dull coats and jackets that look like they’ve been brought in a 1970’s camping shop? I was with my eldest son at a Scouts activity day a few weeks ago and all the other parents were wearing North Face shit or the Millets equivalent. I’m disappointed in their lack of humanity and creativity. North Face are either laughing their arses off at how they’ve made so many people buy their shit or they need shooting for crimes against humanity.
People in their 30’s and 40’s tend to spend a bit of time and energy on their shirts and tops. It’s the usual mis-informed shit of Superdry and Under Armour which makes them feel cool when really, we all think they look like twats but at least they show effort. You can respect that! But then, the dullest, shittest coat is sported on top.
Am I missing something? Am I an insufferable cock for not dulling myself down? Does everyone else dull themselves to fade into the background to allow their children to shine then look at me like I’m some horrifically self-centred twat? Is their lack of effort just a reflection of being exhausted from balancing home, kids and work?
I think we should create a study to explore this further. Firstly, we should create a questionnaire to ask the guilty about what the fuck they’re doing, but obviously use kinder words so not to create a defensive response. I’ve drafted a few q’s –
1 – Do you wear a shit coat because you want to hide your embarrassing Superdry top from the world?
2 – Is your choice of coat linked to (tick all that may apply) –
- You wish to repel your partner as your relationship has fizzled out and you dare not end it directly
- You just don’t give a shit about how you look
- You’re not that bothered about how you look
- You’re not that bothered about what others think of you
- You like to blend into the background
- You delusionally think North Face and similar styled coats are actually quite cool
- As a Coldplay fan, you seek to do as much to replicate being a soppy twat like Chris Martin
- You have low self esteem and this is a way to covertly feel shit
3 – How much does age contribute to your shit choice of outerwear?
4 – How much thought did you put into your choice of outer wear?
5 – Is your answer to question 4 a lie? (really?)
6 – How often do you shop for coats while wearing a blindfold?
The 2nd arm of the study is to create 2 groups of people who wear this sort of shit. The first group will do nothing and the 2nd group will be given a supply of stimulants to (cocaine and ecstasy comes to mind). We’ll then assess the changes to the group who had the drugs compared to the control group to see if adding fun to their lives changes their dull exteriors.
The more I think about it the more confused and upset I become. I need to separate myself from the trauma of this as in reality, it’s just the most minute part of life. I’m no coat-nazi, well, I don’t want to be as I’m sure there’s better things I can focus my noodle on? I’m not sure what at the moment though. As the thoughts begin to dwell, I can feel the initial brewing of anger. I need to stop myself as ‘I set fire to him because he had a shit coat’ would not stand up so well in court.
The frustrations of an overthinker 