It’s been an oodle of time since my last post and the entire world has changed. It’s not that I’m saying the world has changed because I’ve not posted for some time but that will have happened somewhere in a parallel universe. So, I’ve been musing quietly and flitting from high to low and scurrying around in endless circles to adapt my entire life to the changes that the virus has brought. It’s been a set of fuckin endless and different challenges – that’s for sure. Highs and lows and diverse tangents of joy and shit. Now I’m used to the hermit lifestyle and feel a bit happy with it so I’m starting feel anxious about returning to normal.
I’ve made 2 amazing discoveries during this time. These are both psychological concepts before you get overtly excited. This is on top of finding Jesus who is alive and well in a complex love triangle with Elvis and Lucifer and there is great gossip in this discovery. It turns out Jesus’ father is Lucifer – who’d have thought that? I don’t think Jesus knows this yet, but apparently Elvis is aware. No wonder God was keen to convince the world he was male and the virgin Mary gave birth to the saviour, when all along, she’s been shagging the devil which created our saviour. I guess if the truth were known from day 1, they’d have had difficulty nurturing their cult into the worldwide religion.
Anyhoo, I digress as I share insulting notions. So, Discovery 1 – My frustrations and issues remain the same even though the entire fucking world and my own personal world has changed. There’s still not enough time in the day, I still can’t get enough done and I still need to work more or do more. How is this possible? It can’t possibly be anything to do with me whatsoever can it. It’s not my underlying beliefs about not being good enough and my need to do more to just feel ok about myself that drives this. It’s definitely not a self-defeating, self-propelling and impossible cycle. It’s also not my need to do things to feel like I’m productive just to feel ok. It must be something and only if I were good enough I could figure this out. Maybe it’s my punishment for my blasphemy. If I dug holes and filled them in because I believed there was a purpose, this would make me feel better then spending time doing nothing (that’s what others call relaxing I think, or others don’t even have a name for it because its their normal state).
Discovery 2 – We all have our individual lives. I know, this doesn’t sound like a big discovery and it’s not as mind blowing as finding out that God’s blowing Lucifer I suppose. What I’ve found though that everyone is suffering losses and hardship in their own specific way. My brother’s issues to what this has brought is different to mine because his children are older, my sister in-law has a different job to ours and his job is threatened in a different way. My close friends family members are on the front line which alters their behaviours, anxieties and perspectives on the situation. Family and friends are very similar to us with similar outlooks and values but we also have our own personal world’s that can seem very very different.
I’ll combobble my way through time and maybe, just maybe this time will teach me that I don’t need to ‘do’ and maybe I can just ‘be’. That’s clearly something I need to do.
I hope that You are looking after you, utilising your support structures and that you’re dealing with your own hardships and losses well.
The frustrations of an overthinker 