I’ve been having increasing numbers murderous thoughts lately so I have done a bit of planning. Like most people, I have a list. You know, the kill list of twats who fuckin grate on you for reasons you can’t identify. Just the mention of their name insights the need to punch something and seeing a visual of some sort sends you into a mini-rage where you want to burn somethings and destroy everything around you with a hammer and your cock. We all have these people who we hate.
The top 3 on list are Bob Warman, Postman Pat and Celine Dion. Elton John’s a close 4th. Bob’s been headlining the list of years and I could bang on forever about why he’s on it, but there’s not enough internet space. I’m told Pat is an unusual entry, but he’s a smug little twat who’s been into bestiality for years right under our noses. Actually, the only thing that bothers me about him shagging Jess is that he seems far too nice. If you’re going to be a deviant, at least look the fuckin part.
From an academic perspective, you could argue that these people annoy the fuck out of you for specific reasons. It could be that they remind you of parts of you that you don’t like and in rejecting these parts of you, you project your feelings of anger and hatred onto them as it’s less painful than to admit you’re a bit like them in some way. Saying that, with pat being on my list, I love my cat, but it’s not the sort of pussy that could tempt me. Fuck theories and logic as that always ruins emotional discharge. Let’s focus on the murderous intent as a healthy way of expression. If we don’t express ourselves, we hold all the emotion in which could lead to outbursts at inappropriate times such as in the midst of a christening or in the supermarket which would cause embarrassment and humiliation. Let’s be safe kids; let’s express ourselves.
So, I’ve decided to dress up as Postman Pat, avoid black and white cats for the day just in case I get too much into character and a friend is dressing up as Celine. Being convincing look-a-likes is key here as we’re then going to borrow Elton’s helicopter and shoot Bob while he does a live broadcast. This will clear the list – this will clear my January to-do list as poor ol’ ‘should’ve been killed years ago’ Bob meets his demise at the hands of Pat and Celine, who will be seen to enjoying the killing, the sick bastards, in Elton’s helicopter. Granted, Elton will get a lessor sentence because he’s only an accessory, however, I don’t think he’ll survive in prison that long.
The only worry now is, what to do with the rest of the year?
The frustrations of an overthinker 